My head is gonna fall off

Hi, my heads gonna fall off. My neck has been killing me for over a week now so thats the only logical explanation I can come up with is that my head is just getting ready to fall off.... What the hell is wrong with me? Matt said it is tension, so I bought some fancy pants Excedrin Tension crap , yeah well , must not have been tension because it still hurts!

In other news, I still havent heard about the job , and I am really chomping at the bit!
Our engagment pictures turned out awesome and I cant brag enough about our photog, I highly recommend her to anyone (well anyone cool that is , I dont want anybody thats not cool going and saying I sent them , and then she wont think that I'm cool anymore , you see?)

Wanna hear a funny story? Yesterday it was in the 70s and today its raining and its about to freeze into a solid layer of ice, isnt that fun? My inflatable Homer doesnt think so , sometime this morning he took a nosedive into the mud , and I havent bothered going out in the freezing rain to stand him back up, I did unplug him though.

So yeah thats about all the useless information I have for today...

Dont forget kiddos , best photographer ever.

I recant my last statement.

Ok so yesterday turned out great. After stressing out , throwing up my breakfast and calling fifteen zillion more salons , I found one last minute opening, so I went for it , Can I just say that no matter who fixes my hair I will always think it looks like hell? That's the perks of a bad haircut. Anyway , the girl fixed my hair , and we went on our way, when Matt saw my hair he snarled his nose a little so I was like great I look like shit. But he said the odd look was just because it was somewhat blown to the side from me driving with my window down. We went to Jclare Studios to meet with our photographer. She is effin' awesome , Matt fell in love with her too, he said she made him feel really comfortable and it was like we were just hanging out. That really made my day because other than my wedding dress , the photographer was the only thing Matt didn't really have a say in. When I met Jennifer for the first time I knew she was "the one" (that sounds kinda weird eh?) But seriously , we really clicked and I love her work. I think Matt knew that I had my mind set so he just signed the paperwork without ever meeting her. After our engagement session yesterday Matt was so excited! That is odd for the usually laid back semi-grumpy attitude he usually has. He said he wants to upgrade our package to include the "day after" session , which is after the wedding another session when you return from your honeymoon or something...

Anyway , enough with my bragging , you can find our profoundly fab photog at www.jclarestudios.com also keep an eye out on the blog , our e-pics should be there sometime soon...

I am now getting ready for my big interview at the hospital , I really really really want this job, so keep your fingers crossed for me at about 10 AM ...

Worst morning ever.

Well today is supposed to be the day that I wake up , take a shower, go get my hair done, and my eyebrows waxed , because I have engagement pictures at 1. My hairdresser called me about an hour ago , there has been a death in her family and she cant do it. I totally understand , I would never expect her to come do my hair today , but the shitty part? No other salon in town has an opening before 1:30. The stay in bed Gods sure are smiling down on me today! I CANT fix my own hair, it just doesn't happen, sure as hell cant wax my own eyebrows. So I don't know what I'm going to do , I guess just write a blog about it , get on with my life and deal with having a bunch of pictures of me with fluffy hair and caterpillar brows.

Is nothing sacred?

When I was a "child" (age 2-17) Sunday was a glorious day, that everyone in the house slept in. When Matt was a "child" (age 2-present) Sunday was obviously a glorious day to wake up early , go to church, or terrorize other people that are trying to sleep. We moved in together when Matt was about 20, Is that right? I dont keep track of dates and such. Anyway, I swear since we have lived together I havent slept in past 9 am on a Sunday. I've explained to him again and again how if he continues this behavior, he will in fact, wake up to a bloody spot where his balls used to be. He always laughs , and he thinks I'm joking but I'm not. I've about had all of this waking me up shit I can take , and I can guarantee that in the end , he will be in pain...

So my wake up call for this morning started with the usual banging around, turning the light on and asking me stupid questions, But then it elevated into something more ... Matt decided that he would wake Slug up and see if he wanted to play fetch. Of course Slug is always up for a game of fetch, so where does Matt throw the toy? Yes, directly at my head.

If anyone besides Sarah is reading this , you might not know Slug, he's my bulldog, that thinks he's a lapdog, but in reality, he weighs in at about 65 lbs. So Slug comes flying through the air and lands on my head to retreive his toy, stepping on my face and scrambling around to hurry and bring the toy back to daddy! What fun. And if you cant tell, that ruined my day. I hate waking up. If I have to go to work , or have an appointment, I wake myself up, I dont use an alarm. I sure as hell dont need a bulldog pouncing on my head to do the job. Of course to Matt , this was the funniest thing he's seen today, so I'm already plotting revenge...

Dont let Homer fool you

Yes I'm posing with an over sized inflatable Homer Simpson in a Santa costume, does that mean I like Christmas? No... I hate this time of year, I am a Grinch. I'm not against the true meaning of Christmas , but I think its become commercialized, and I just don't enjoy it. I hate Holiday music, I hate people dressed up with red hats with fuzzy white trim. Bahh humbug, right?

Anyways, when did the holidays become just a time for presents? I like presents just as much as the next person , but nowadays kids don't even know what Christmas stands for, they think its just another reason to ask for a bunch of overpriced crap that they wont respect anyway.
If I had a choice I'd hibernate like a bear from Black Friday all the way till after the new year.

Also , while kids are fresh in my mind, why is it that out of all the streets in our neighborhood , every single child decides to congregate directly in front of my house? I don't feed them, talk to them, I don't even smile at them when I see them out there, yet there they are , with their skateboards driving my dogs crazy. I just looked to see why Booduh (my dog) was barking like a mad man , sure enough , they are out there SITTING in the middle of the road. We live on a busy street people! Sometimes I cant even pull into my own driveway. They just stand there and look at me. One time one of them was rolling down the middle of the street on his skateboard, listening to his IPod, staring at the ground, and Me and Matt were having to wait on him to get the hell out of our way to pull in our driveway, so he gets about 8 feet in front of the truck , never did look up because I guess he didn't hear us coming (safe huh?) , so Matt just lays down on the horn. You shoulda seen that kids face , I bet he shit himself.

Now that I've relived that story , I feel better.

Sarahs lover boy

This made me giggle!

Nick Swardson is one funny mother effer.

Click to watch!

Please Spank Your Child

Ok, first of all , I dont like kids. Some kids are OK but some just need thumped in their head! The other day , me and Slug are out in the yard pooping. (He's pooping, not me) Anyways, the annoying neighbor children come strolling down the road beside my house , with their yapping ass dog NOT on a leash, just running free! So then they decide to call Slug out into the road to pet him. Uh no. My dog is not going to get run over because of these dumbass kids. So I get Slug and start to take him to the other side of the house so he can "finish his business" , one of the kids followed me up into my yard and said "You need to take Slug in your house because when my dog sees other dogs she barks a lot" Ok , so a 7 year old is now standing in my yard and telling me to take my dog in my house? So , I told him that if it was such a problem , maybe he should take HIS dog home. Did I mention I hate kids?

Please Put Your Pants On

The other day, me and Matt got out of the car, I think we went out for dinner or something romantic I'm sure. Anyways, we got out of the car, and we're walking into the house, of course Slug meets us at the door, so we let him out to pee. We are chatting about something and I hear a loud *SLAP SLAP SLAP* and turn around to see our neighbor mooning us. Not only bare ass mooning us, but also slapping his ass *at* us. His girlfriend was sitting in their kitchen, so he may have been mooning her, and we were inadvertently mooned in the process. We don't know these people, and haven't had any problems with them. But now I can't look at him when he drives by because I can't shake the feeling that the bare ass was directed towards us for some reason. I thought maybe our barking dogs have bothered them, but if someone's dogs were bothering me, I'd probably say "Hey lady shut your dogs up!" instead of dropping my pants and waving and slapping my ass at them. But, that's just me.

Makin the switch....

Sarah finally convinced me I need a "real" blog so I'm starting by copying some posts from my myspace blog...



Hello - I have something I'd like to share with all of you dedicated blog readers, (Just Sarah, I know, dont rub it in) Anywho- As some of you know , Slug has recently been having some allergy problems. The vet changed his medicine and said that the new stuff will make him very thirsty, so after one day of the new medicine and refilling his bowl a bajillion times , me and Matt decided to invest in a new water holding thinga majig , It has a tank at the top , like you see in an office , ya follow me? Anyways , when he drinks so much water , and it fills itself back up , it makes that bubbling gurgle noise.... which scares the shit out of Slug, he will growl and run backwards (Which on hardwood floors is rather entertaining) I thought he was getting used to it , but last night it gurgled and he almost fell over trying to get away from it! I'm hoping to catch him on video being scared of his water bowl, and if I do , yall will be the first ones to see it.