You like that dontcha?

Christmas is over , its almost the new year , so it was time for a non holiday related photo to replace the one of me and Homer. You like to see me in all my sleeping glory? Thats a real life picture taken mere seconds after I woke up! See the puffy eyes? The disheveled hair? I don't really care if the whole internet sees me that way, because thats actually how I look most of the time anyway.

This morning I wake up to none other than the sounds of Matt banging around getting ready to go hunting, I think we've discussed his disregard for my sleeping habits before. He turns on the light , leaves it on , leaves the room. Big no no. So I get up ... wander to the bathroom, and then I notice he's sitting in his chair in the living room , so I asked him "Are you done in the bedroom?" and he says "Uh yeah" so I go back into the bedroom , turn off the light and lay back down. At this point theres no possible way I'll be going back to sleep because I'm mad. Next thing I know , I hear his truck start up and he's gone. That was his second no no of the morning! He didnt say an effin' word to me to let me know he was leaving. This is not normal in our house, so I call his cell phone to see what was going on, and he just forgot to tell me bye. I know its childish , but my whole day is royally screwed now because I woke up in such a bad mood. You know how when you wake up to a screeching alarm clock, or to someone yelling at you, it tends to have an effect on your entire day? Well it does for me anyways , and I can already tell this is going to be a bad day.

Times are changing!

And so are vehicles. If you haven't noticed , some newer vehicles have brighter lights. Please stop flashing your stupid effin' lights at me, I know when my brights are on , theres a bright blue indicator on my control panel that TELLS me that they are on.

This morning , I wake up at 4 am and know instantly that my sleeping time is over, so Matt and I get out of bed , he goes hunting , and I go grocery shopping. I hate large crowds so any chance I get to get my shopping out of the way , either incredibly late , or early , I do it. As I was returning from my early morning shopping, a car turns its brights on and leaves them on flashing them at me and such. I ignored it for a few seconds , but I'm really not a morning person anyways, so I turned my brights on for them! If they think my regular lights are bright , they were probably really impressed with my high beams, don't you think?

I swear every time I drive my truck in the dark , people think I am bright lighting them, and its not my fault that Chevrolet apparently made the lights on my truck brighter than some other vehicles! It is really one of my pet peeves. So I guess what I'm trying to say , for all you folks that do it on a regular basis, STOP FLASHING ME!

Glad thats over!

I have never been so relieved to have Christmas over with! It just seems like a really stressful time of year ... Mine was pretty good , how bout yours?

I bought my best friend Ashley a really neat set of glasses and a pitcher shes had her eye on... well we haven't got to exchange gifts yet and she just called me squealing that she had bought herself a set of them. Great. So I guess I will still give her the glasses, and give the pitcher to my granny or something ... Who doesn't need more glasses? But now I have to find something else for her ... and I thought my Christmas shopping was done!

I got lots of good loot this year including an Elvis CD, and some bear candle holder thingies, a bulldog clock, a bulldog address book, a coach purse, a toilet seat and a big ol' turkey roaster thing! I got some other stuff too but those are my favorites. I cant wait to see everyone take down their decorations, and get on with normal life. Yeah right, what am I thinking? Those decorations will be up till July! But maybe the radio will stop playing so much Christmas music!

No suit shopping , and pinching booties!

I got a job! I got the same job at the hospital and didn't even have to buy a suit! Hows that for the best Christmas present ever?

I am super excited about having extra money! I wont feel like such a scrub for taking money from Matt all the time ... Is everyone stoked for Christmas? Not me ... I'm super ready for it to be over with , maybe next year I will be more prepared , but I feel like all I've done is last minute shop and that really sucks ass.

Um.... I got a new toilet seat! Me and Matt decided to open a present early , and I got a new toilet seat. He got a CD and a hat. Remember my Christmas list? I thought for sure I would get a new screen door! But a toilet seat is awesome too, now we can throw away the one that has been pinching our booties. Don't act like you haven't sat on a toilet seat that pinched your bootie. You know the fancy padded kind that get a little crack (no pun intended) on em and then it pinches every time you sit on it? Thats what we've been dealing with! Who woulda thought I would be so happy over a toilet seat? Matt kinda acted bummed out that he got it for me ... I think it was more of a joke , but something we really needed , but he opened his present and really liked his hat and CD so then he thought maybe he should have given me something else? But I love my new toilet seat.

I'm alive!!!!!!!

So HA! That's right , I ate week old chicken and lived to tell the tale!

I just don't see the big deal over it , I paid good money for that food , and he wants me to throw it out to Booduh? Uh, no! So I'm alive, everyone can calm down , Sarah can get that Uhaul outta my drive way now. So yesterday a certain Elf sent me a Christmas CD of Elvis music , and today I'm putting that CD in my truck , and going Christmas shopping. That's right , that's what it takes to get my ass in gear is a little Bluuuuue Christmas!!! So what does everyone want for Christmas? Not that you're getting anything from me , but its nice to ask , right? Wanna hear my list?

I want...

• Trim to replace all the trim ripped out of our house
• A new screen door to replace our ghetto screen door
• A bouncing baby bulldog puppy!
  
• Dead like me , any season on DVD
  
• New shoes!
  
• A job!

Wasn't that a good list? I thought so...

Suicide by Leftovers

I would like to start this blogging by saying that if I do in fact die , I would like for Sarah to have pretty much any of my crap that she wants.

Ok , so this afternoon I made dinner for Matt , he came home , ate and then we went to a friends house. I didn't eat earlier , I figured I'd have leftovers later , so when I went into the kitchen to do just that, I realize that Matt has just polished off what was left of the chicken. So I had to dig through the fridge for something else to eat.

I'll give you a little background to this 'story'
1. I'm poor.
2. I'm not picky.
3. I'm kind of stupid.

This past weekend , Matt and I got to eat at Chili's , which is rare (I'm poor). I guess my "eyes were bigger than my belly" because I didn't eat very much of my food, so like any other thrifty American , I brought it home to finish later. I don't know what "later" is (I'm kind of stupid). So fast forward to today, I'm hungry , so I dig those leftovers out of the fridge, Matt gives me one of those looks, followed by something to the effect of "If you eat that , you'll die." And he didn't mean it in the cute way like , if you eat the last cookie , you will die, he meant in the literal sense , like it was entirely too old for a human to consume. So what did I do? I nuked that shit and ate it! (I'm not picky) So far I'm not feeling "deathly ill" the food didn't look or smell funny , and I personally think that humans have consumed much worse than some week old chicken and rice. So really , how long can something sit in the fridge before it becomes inedible? Obviously me and Matt don't see eye to eye on the subject...

Could I be .... BETTER? Nah...

Well kids , I'm still sick , so thats gonna be my excuse for not blogging for days on end, k?
My cold turned into something that made me not be able to hear for some reason and now both of my ears hurt. As much as all of you blog readers out there would love to hear every snotty detail of my cold , I'm not gonna go there.

Oh and I guess I should mention that I didnt get the job! Bastards! I guess I need to invest in a handy dandy notebook and a nice suit and tie and maybe then I can pretend like I'm special, take notes like an ass kisser and get a job? Can you tell I'm bitter about the whole situation? I totally am.

I really , really, really, really need a job super bad! I think I'm driving Matt and Slug crazy being at home so much! But enough of my bitching ... my friend Trinnie Winnie started up her own super wicked awesome blog, and it can be found here.

So go there , read her blogs and comment her like a rockstar.

Fish at 4 AM

So this morning as I sit on the couch eating Swedish fish (thank you Sarah!) , I realize that I should be sleeping, but I'm not. I seem to have caught whatever it was that has been keeping Sarah awake lately. I hate not being able to sleep, I'm one of those really grumpy sleepy people. I sat on the couch and thought out what my next blogging should say, I should have wrote it down, because now I cant remember. I finally crawled back into bed around 5:30 to try and get some sleep. While crawling into bed might sound easy , I guess I should add that I had to wedge myself between Matt and Slug. Slug knows that when I get up in the morning he can sprawl out and take up my piece of the bed, notice I don't say side , because I don't get a whole side, I just get a piece. I guess I would have been better off on the couch , because Slug obviously didn't want me in the bed , he just kept pushing and pushing on me until I got up again , and I've been walking around like a zombie ever since. I really hope to go to bed at about 6 this evening and not wake up for a few days.

I got an odd phone call Friday night , it was my friend from the hospital, she talked to me for about an hour about the job there , she wanted to confirm that I didn't plan on being pregnant any time soon. She told me that its down to me , and one other person, some guy that wore a freakin suit and tie to his interview. I don't own a suit , I wore khakis and a "nice" shirt. I just hope they see that obviously if he has the money for a suit , he doesn't need the job as bad as me.
Oh , about the pregnancy thing, I guess I should explain, She said that everyone at work is pregnant , and people are really tired of people being gone to have babies and such. I told her that babies were no where in my near future, so I hope that sealed the deal.

And now I feel like I'm to the point where I'm boring you, so I'm going to stop rambling about my weekend, but I have to add , that I just clicked on spellcheck and it didn't come up with a SINGLE mistake, maybe sleep deprivation is helping me be not so stupid.

My head is gonna fall off

Hi, my heads gonna fall off. My neck has been killing me for over a week now so thats the only logical explanation I can come up with is that my head is just getting ready to fall off.... What the hell is wrong with me? Matt said it is tension, so I bought some fancy pants Excedrin Tension crap , yeah well , must not have been tension because it still hurts!

In other news, I still havent heard about the job , and I am really chomping at the bit!
Our engagment pictures turned out awesome and I cant brag enough about our photog, I highly recommend her to anyone (well anyone cool that is , I dont want anybody thats not cool going and saying I sent them , and then she wont think that I'm cool anymore , you see?)

Wanna hear a funny story? Yesterday it was in the 70s and today its raining and its about to freeze into a solid layer of ice, isnt that fun? My inflatable Homer doesnt think so , sometime this morning he took a nosedive into the mud , and I havent bothered going out in the freezing rain to stand him back up, I did unplug him though.

So yeah thats about all the useless information I have for today...

Dont forget kiddos , best photographer ever.

I recant my last statement.

Ok so yesterday turned out great. After stressing out , throwing up my breakfast and calling fifteen zillion more salons , I found one last minute opening, so I went for it , Can I just say that no matter who fixes my hair I will always think it looks like hell? That's the perks of a bad haircut. Anyway , the girl fixed my hair , and we went on our way, when Matt saw my hair he snarled his nose a little so I was like great I look like shit. But he said the odd look was just because it was somewhat blown to the side from me driving with my window down. We went to Jclare Studios to meet with our photographer. She is effin' awesome , Matt fell in love with her too, he said she made him feel really comfortable and it was like we were just hanging out. That really made my day because other than my wedding dress , the photographer was the only thing Matt didn't really have a say in. When I met Jennifer for the first time I knew she was "the one" (that sounds kinda weird eh?) But seriously , we really clicked and I love her work. I think Matt knew that I had my mind set so he just signed the paperwork without ever meeting her. After our engagement session yesterday Matt was so excited! That is odd for the usually laid back semi-grumpy attitude he usually has. He said he wants to upgrade our package to include the "day after" session , which is after the wedding another session when you return from your honeymoon or something...

Anyway , enough with my bragging , you can find our profoundly fab photog at www.jclarestudios.com also keep an eye out on the blog , our e-pics should be there sometime soon...

I am now getting ready for my big interview at the hospital , I really really really want this job, so keep your fingers crossed for me at about 10 AM ...

Worst morning ever.

Well today is supposed to be the day that I wake up , take a shower, go get my hair done, and my eyebrows waxed , because I have engagement pictures at 1. My hairdresser called me about an hour ago , there has been a death in her family and she cant do it. I totally understand , I would never expect her to come do my hair today , but the shitty part? No other salon in town has an opening before 1:30. The stay in bed Gods sure are smiling down on me today! I CANT fix my own hair, it just doesn't happen, sure as hell cant wax my own eyebrows. So I don't know what I'm going to do , I guess just write a blog about it , get on with my life and deal with having a bunch of pictures of me with fluffy hair and caterpillar brows.

Is nothing sacred?

When I was a "child" (age 2-17) Sunday was a glorious day, that everyone in the house slept in. When Matt was a "child" (age 2-present) Sunday was obviously a glorious day to wake up early , go to church, or terrorize other people that are trying to sleep. We moved in together when Matt was about 20, Is that right? I dont keep track of dates and such. Anyway, I swear since we have lived together I havent slept in past 9 am on a Sunday. I've explained to him again and again how if he continues this behavior, he will in fact, wake up to a bloody spot where his balls used to be. He always laughs , and he thinks I'm joking but I'm not. I've about had all of this waking me up shit I can take , and I can guarantee that in the end , he will be in pain...

So my wake up call for this morning started with the usual banging around, turning the light on and asking me stupid questions, But then it elevated into something more ... Matt decided that he would wake Slug up and see if he wanted to play fetch. Of course Slug is always up for a game of fetch, so where does Matt throw the toy? Yes, directly at my head.

If anyone besides Sarah is reading this , you might not know Slug, he's my bulldog, that thinks he's a lapdog, but in reality, he weighs in at about 65 lbs. So Slug comes flying through the air and lands on my head to retreive his toy, stepping on my face and scrambling around to hurry and bring the toy back to daddy! What fun. And if you cant tell, that ruined my day. I hate waking up. If I have to go to work , or have an appointment, I wake myself up, I dont use an alarm. I sure as hell dont need a bulldog pouncing on my head to do the job. Of course to Matt , this was the funniest thing he's seen today, so I'm already plotting revenge...

Dont let Homer fool you

Yes I'm posing with an over sized inflatable Homer Simpson in a Santa costume, does that mean I like Christmas? No... I hate this time of year, I am a Grinch. I'm not against the true meaning of Christmas , but I think its become commercialized, and I just don't enjoy it. I hate Holiday music, I hate people dressed up with red hats with fuzzy white trim. Bahh humbug, right?

Anyways, when did the holidays become just a time for presents? I like presents just as much as the next person , but nowadays kids don't even know what Christmas stands for, they think its just another reason to ask for a bunch of overpriced crap that they wont respect anyway.
If I had a choice I'd hibernate like a bear from Black Friday all the way till after the new year.

Also , while kids are fresh in my mind, why is it that out of all the streets in our neighborhood , every single child decides to congregate directly in front of my house? I don't feed them, talk to them, I don't even smile at them when I see them out there, yet there they are , with their skateboards driving my dogs crazy. I just looked to see why Booduh (my dog) was barking like a mad man , sure enough , they are out there SITTING in the middle of the road. We live on a busy street people! Sometimes I cant even pull into my own driveway. They just stand there and look at me. One time one of them was rolling down the middle of the street on his skateboard, listening to his IPod, staring at the ground, and Me and Matt were having to wait on him to get the hell out of our way to pull in our driveway, so he gets about 8 feet in front of the truck , never did look up because I guess he didn't hear us coming (safe huh?) , so Matt just lays down on the horn. You shoulda seen that kids face , I bet he shit himself.

Now that I've relived that story , I feel better.

Sarahs lover boy

This made me giggle!

Nick Swardson is one funny mother effer.

Click to watch!

Please Spank Your Child

Ok, first of all , I dont like kids. Some kids are OK but some just need thumped in their head! The other day , me and Slug are out in the yard pooping. (He's pooping, not me) Anyways, the annoying neighbor children come strolling down the road beside my house , with their yapping ass dog NOT on a leash, just running free! So then they decide to call Slug out into the road to pet him. Uh no. My dog is not going to get run over because of these dumbass kids. So I get Slug and start to take him to the other side of the house so he can "finish his business" , one of the kids followed me up into my yard and said "You need to take Slug in your house because when my dog sees other dogs she barks a lot" Ok , so a 7 year old is now standing in my yard and telling me to take my dog in my house? So , I told him that if it was such a problem , maybe he should take HIS dog home. Did I mention I hate kids?

Please Put Your Pants On

The other day, me and Matt got out of the car, I think we went out for dinner or something romantic I'm sure. Anyways, we got out of the car, and we're walking into the house, of course Slug meets us at the door, so we let him out to pee. We are chatting about something and I hear a loud *SLAP SLAP SLAP* and turn around to see our neighbor mooning us. Not only bare ass mooning us, but also slapping his ass *at* us. His girlfriend was sitting in their kitchen, so he may have been mooning her, and we were inadvertently mooned in the process. We don't know these people, and haven't had any problems with them. But now I can't look at him when he drives by because I can't shake the feeling that the bare ass was directed towards us for some reason. I thought maybe our barking dogs have bothered them, but if someone's dogs were bothering me, I'd probably say "Hey lady shut your dogs up!" instead of dropping my pants and waving and slapping my ass at them. But, that's just me.

Makin the switch....

Sarah finally convinced me I need a "real" blog so I'm starting by copying some posts from my myspace blog...



Hello - I have something I'd like to share with all of you dedicated blog readers, (Just Sarah, I know, dont rub it in) Anywho- As some of you know , Slug has recently been having some allergy problems. The vet changed his medicine and said that the new stuff will make him very thirsty, so after one day of the new medicine and refilling his bowl a bajillion times , me and Matt decided to invest in a new water holding thinga majig , It has a tank at the top , like you see in an office , ya follow me? Anyways , when he drinks so much water , and it fills itself back up , it makes that bubbling gurgle noise.... which scares the shit out of Slug, he will growl and run backwards (Which on hardwood floors is rather entertaining) I thought he was getting used to it , but last night it gurgled and he almost fell over trying to get away from it! I'm hoping to catch him on video being scared of his water bowl, and if I do , yall will be the first ones to see it.